As fast as the fire had started,
just as quickly it dissipated.
Not even embers remain
of memories that are faint.
A friendship that had gone cold,
one I thought to be warm until we grow old.
One thing I regret is that we forget
a blossoming love, turned away by pride.
So goodbye my friend, good bye.
We will never meet again.
Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I’m missing you again. How the hell did you get this power over me? How can I be this much affected? It’s not fair. You don’t even notice my absence. Probably too happy to care. It is so unfair, for you to have this kind on hold on me when everything is so unclear.
I wish I can wipe away the haziness, like mist on a mirror. When did it get so deep, these feelings I have for you? I care a lot. I like you a lot, but, I don’t want to give it any more deeper meaning. It will be too painful if I acknowledge that this is something more.
I wish I can dismiss it as lust, but honestly, there is nothing lust-worthy about you. I wish I can label it as idolatry, but that would be crap. You do not have that much merit to be idolized. I wish I could brush if off as something platonic… although, it’s probably a little too late for that disregard. But I will tell you this, I will never admit it as something more as it would be too difficult to let go as it is to deny.
Cleaning out my e-mail, I happened across an old archive folder that contained e-mails to my ex-boyfriend and a few of his friends. I can’t believe that I could be that much in love. I remember talking to him on an IM chat application and the many ridiculous and spontaneous adventures we had. I had been so in love back then. Now, I am much too cynical. I wasn’t like this after we broke up. I know several factors that lead to my cynicism on which I refuse to elaborate. I just hope that someday, my fear of falling in love irrevocably will be diminished. I was happy back then. Not that I’m not happy now but, you get the idea. I do wish to fall in love again, I am just very much afraid of getting hurt again and becoming even more of a cynic than I am now.
I found this image off a social media platform and it got me thinking…
Yes, let’s talk about everything in depth. Even if I can’t remember much about aliens, atoms, and magic, I still wanna talk about ’em. Let’s talk about the Alamo, camels in Texas, bases in Hawaii and Guam, what’s in Micronesia, how to best experience Japan, conspiracy theories about Aztec temples and Mayan ruins and the Valley of Kings, what happened to Pompeii and how close are we to extinction…
Let’s talk about poetry and writing and music and emotions. Let’s talk about suicide and depression, marriage and equality, religion and law… Let’s talk about our flaws and insecurities and our hopes and dreams.
I have very random thoughts, dark and light, deep and funny, simple and complicated.