La La Land

Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling
Pursuing dreams. Heartaches. What ifs and what could have beens. Following one path over another and living with the choices we make.

This movie has certainly reminded me that no matter what choice we make, we live through it and make the most out of it. This isn’t a review, it’s a reflection. Life can go one way and it can also go the other way. Whatever happens, life is what we make it. We all succeed in one way or another, our success comes from our choices.

The First Year Away

My first birthday, Christmas, and New Year that is legitimately away from home. I’m a thousand miles away in a foreign land with foreign customs in pursuit of a dream that I’m still not sure is completely mine. Am I lonely? In a way, yes. I cannot see my parents aside from video chats. Though I am not affectionate and tend to shy away from social interactions, not seeing my family in person is a little bit hard. I may have had practice by not being home for a couple weeks, even months, at a time but I was still within the same country. I would be able to travel over land in a few hours just to see them with a minimal fee. Now, I have to fly and pay a significant amount if I want to hold them close.

I do not do well in social situations, I tend to stay in and laze around. So this year, it has been challenging for me. Challenging in a way that I had to step up to make friends and be more sociable. It exhausts me to no end but I do not wish to be told that I’m not a team player. That is why I had to push myself, to stop being a recluse, despite my discomfort. I need to be believable that I am happy and grateful to be here.

Six months. Not long at all. Not enough to make me heartsick (homesick), but enough to make me miss my family, dogs included. -21 Nov 2016, 1620H-

; and +

The semi-colon ( ; ) and the crucifix ( ), 11 February 2014

 

The semi-colon, a symbol I first encountered in elementary English. A symbol that was given a new meaning back in 2012,something I found over in Tumblr. A symbol that embodied hope and strength. It means never choosing to end one’s life despite all hardships. For me, it means to endure trials and challenges and to fight back against bullying.

This is a symbol I plan to tattoo and embed in my life. Something to remind me to be strong, to remain hopeful; that many others like me choose life over and over again. That despair is not weakness, it is a trial, to determine if we will choose life.

 

The crucifix, the cross, another symbol. This one of faith. To remind us, to remind me, that Jesus sacrificed himself for us… for me. That He had not lost faith in all humanity despite his own trials. That trust in God’s plan and His timing is important, and He will always see us through.

 

These symbols, once embedded, will never be removed. To give me hope, to give me strength. To remind me that despair is part of life but should not necessarily cause us to end our existence. Life is full of difficulties and it will continuously test our limit, we just have to hold on to hope. These symbols will remind me that I must never give up.

Books and Magic

Books are magical. You can get lost for hours and when you close the book, you struggle to find yourself in your reality. With great books, however, everytime you open them… it’s like being welcomed back home. Great and well-worn (or well read through) books are homes to us. The characters giving us warm hugs after days, weeks, months, or years of not seeing each other.

Negligence

Are you not disappointed with the way you do your job? I find this neglect highly irritating and very much irresponsible on your part. You cannot tell me that you conveniently “forgot” to do this. Is it not part of your expected job? This has been noted on numerous occasions. Once or twice is forgivable. Thrice is enough. But this, this repeated neglect of duty is extremely disappointing. Nobody is perfect, nobody is infallible, but repeating the same mistakes…
It is saddening that you are not able to perform the responsibilities expected of you. I am very much disheartened that you do not think much of the risks this simple act of negligence can pose to all of us.

I found this image off a social media platform and it got me thinking…

I found this image off a social media platform and it got me thinking…

Yes, let’s talk about everything in depth. Even if I can’t remember much about aliens, atoms, and magic, I still wanna talk about ’em. Let’s talk about the Alamo, camels in Texas, bases in Hawaii and Guam, what’s in Micronesia, how to best experience Japan, conspiracy theories about Aztec temples and Mayan ruins and the Valley of Kings, what happened to Pompeii and how close are we to extinction…

Let’s talk about poetry and writing and music and emotions. Let’s talk about suicide and depression, marriage and equality, religion and law… Let’s talk about our flaws and insecurities and our hopes and dreams.

I have very random thoughts, dark and light, deep and funny, simple and complicated.

image

Forever and Never

Falling stars are burning bright,
Just like the fires that we light.
Lamps that burn the midnight oil,
Beneath the sheets we are coiled.
No stories left untold.
No Rosetta stone needed to decode.
The memories that we share,
They keep us warm when we are bare.

These books, they hide my shame,
For all our stories are untamed.
Not a day I can recall,
When I did not give my all.
My heart, my mind, my soul,
All for you to closely hold.
My body cannot remember,
The way I was before.

The nights under cryptic skies,
The moon, a shrine full of lies.
Our shadows swimming in the sea,
Underneath the good old tree.
You’re my favorite regret,
The only memory I’ll never forget.
Our stolen moments together
Are the best forever and never.