Good bye, star

These crystals fall swiftly, silently.
Unbidden, they race down the fair slopes.
So soft, so soft that I could not hear,
The sighs of broken hearts.

I trace the uninterrupted track,
This mirror does not lie.
The window of the soul,
The eyes that has no light.

Shattered silence of the night.
Screams of disbelief and fright.
How could it be, this frail light,
Dead to all, gone without a fight?

Crimson sea, flows endlessly.
Two scars, fresh and bright.
They mar these pale wings,
They took away its flight.

No farewells, no good byes.
No last kiss, no last smile.
A cold embrace is all that’s left,
From a warm, broken sun to cold, lifeless star.

Seven Years

Seven years, Jang. It’s been 7 years since I last saw you. Seven long years. A lot has happened since then. I’ve graduated. Worked at a BPO company. Trained as a volunteer nurse. Trained by MMC. Hired. Underwent regularization. Received several trainings and seminars. Promoted. Took numerous exams. Trained personnel. And I’m still a nurse. I say that I won’t last long as a nurse, and I still believe that you’d have been a better nurse than me, and we both know it.
Seven years. I remember it still, though some details may be fuzzy but I still remember it. Morning of the day, we had our finals in a non-nursing subject. Before class started, Nicole was crying and we, despite being socially awkward tried cheering her up. Our favorite drink back then was Chuckie and Mogu Mogu and Soya Milk. While waiting for the start of the exam, we bought ourselves some drinks. Exam started and I finished earlier than you. That was our only schedule for the day so I waited for you and while others went somewhere to review for the following day’s exam, we went to Glorietta. We even walked the distance and memorized the streets. We were tired and hungry so we ate at Chowking and then played at Timezone. We went down and saw Penny, Karla, Maine, Joie, Kai, Lianne, Abi and Pao at Food Choices. We joined them while they had lunch. Then Kai was complaining of severe dysmenorrhea, we brought her back to MMC-ED and we left her with her then boyfriend, King, after making sure that she’ll be okay.
Us girls decided to go home then, while the rest of them took cabs and jeepney rides, we opted to go for the FX van. It was just the two of us again and we were back to our comfortable silence. We got to Glorietta and said our goodbyes and “Ingat” and that was when everything went wrong.
Everything’s still so vivid. We separated ways, I was able to cross the pedestrian lane to go to Park Square where I’ll be catching the bus home. I just passed by the salon by the entrance when I heard the explosion. I walked briskly to take cover at one pillar/foundation, and when I looked back, the glass had already shattered where I had been walking past. My heart raced and I looked around, I never noticed the entrance of Glorietta as I was too terrified of the event that just transpired. I ran to the terminal and climbed the bus, I saw Lovejoy and relayed to her the events. As I was talking to her, I started calling you. Your phone had a problem and I couldn’t contact you. I sent a text blast to our classmates, asking them to try and contact you as well. I never thought of going back to Glorietta, I was too afraid… And I was hoping that you weren’t affected; as per my POV, it was Park Square which was blasted.
I informed my parents of the events from my POV and when I got home I still couldn’t contact you but I’ve heard from pretty much everyone. I was home when Papa called, I told him what happened. Mama went home early and we still couldn’t call you. I asked Rizza to see if your parents have heard from you… I was sleepless that night as we watched the news and waited for any news from our friends. I was crying, I couldn’t sleep inside my room. They couldn’t find you at hospitals, they then tried morgues. It was maybe past midnight when Rizza found you, I can’t remember if she was with your parents but we finally learned what had happened to you. I was distraught.
Saturday morning, the batch still had it’s PMSD exam. The counsellor asked the class if we can take the exam, I said no. I was crying, most of the class still couldn’t believe it. We were all just together Friday morning, I was the last one to see you alive. I stepped out of the room and talked to the counsellor. I had moved past denial and was into anger and bargaining phase. I was saying what I could’ve done, what I should’ve done, what we could’ve done. We could have rode the jeepney, we could have walked again… But we chose to ride the FX, and I chose to say goodbye instead of coming with you. I made my choice and little did I know that I was saying “Ingat” for the last time.
Sunday, I did not attend church. I kept crying. I still couldn’t sleep. I asked my mom to sleep with me, years long after I had grown out of childhood. I slept on the couch because I didn’t want to be alone in the dark room. I never really had nightmares then, at least not that I could recall when I woke up.
Monday. Final exam. After the exam we went to your parents house, we saw you for the first time. I saw how your house was almost finished with the construction, I saw your room. Your parents talked about you, how you would stay up to review while drinking energy drinks. I couldn’t eat much, I couldn’t stomach anything. I was crying and your mom was holding me.
A few days pass and it was the last night of your wake. A couple of our classmates stayed over and prayed and recalled stories. It was then time for mass and eulogies. I talked but I couldn’t speak without crying. I was surrounded by your family and our friends. I remember the fragrant flowers. How one of your older brothers laid a bouquet of roses saying that you never even experienced receiving flowers from a suitor. I also recall how one of your classmates from high school said that he had a huge crush on you but was too afraid to be rejected by you. You were gone too young, too soon… You had your whole life ahead of you.
Sunday, your interment at Heritage Park. A number of our batch mates attended. We wore white and released balloons and we said good bye for a final time. Most of us gave you the Super Mario Life (mushroom). Your favorite color was red, I gave you the red mushroom and it was good bye.
I was sad… What they called the depression stage. It was your 18th birthday on Dec 15 when I finally started to accept the events and what surrounded that October. A year after, on Oct 19, 2008, I had accepted and moved on.
I will always miss you, Janine. You were a dear friend. Somehow, I felt like we were two peas in a pod because we were similar. I was just more liberated and outgoing. You were more reserved and conservative. I love you, Jang, my angel, my friend.

On the road to recovery.

Health teaching. It makes a difference.
Just because your patient is a nurse in the industry, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to explain the disease process nor not give enough health teachings regarding medications. Thank you, doctor, for being considerate enough to tell me the possible side effects and what I should do. It amazes me that despite seeing me for several respiratory problems already, you still explain it to me. Thank you!

Questions

1) Sexuality?
Feminine
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Angelina Jolie
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
“Do you want to accept Jesus as your savior?” she said. — Have a Little Fait, Mitch Albom
4) What do you think about most?
Inadequacies or my self esteem
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
I am just curious. Promise.
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
With
7) What’s your strangest talent?
Reading a 500-page book in more or less 4 hours
8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)
Girls can do great things. Boys, not all can grow into men.
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Yes, I think?
10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
College?
11) Do you have any strange phobias?
Drowning despite my affinity for bodies of water
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
No
13) What’s your religion?
Catholic
14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Walking
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
Behind
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
Imagine Dragons
17) What was the last lie you told?
It’s okay, not a big deal.
18) Do you believe in karma?
Yes.
19) What does your URL mean?
My fanciful thinking, unfulfilled wishes and dreams
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
Low self-esteem. Ability to bluff/project confidence when I am not really confident or secure.
21) Who is your celebrity crush?
Johnny Depp
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
No.
23) How do you vent your anger?
Ranting. Grumpiness.
24) Do you have a collection of anything?
Witch comics.
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
Phone.
26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?
Not so much
27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?
Scratchings on the board. Waves of bodies of water hitting the shore.
28) What’s your biggest “what if”?
What if I told him that I cared for and liked him a lot to the point that I may actually love him?
29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
50-50 on ghosts. Aliens, maybe 70-30 on not believing.
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
Pillow on right, blanket on left.
31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
Laundry detergent.
32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?
Public restroom.
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
East.
34) Most attractive singer of your preferred gender?
Adam Levine
35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
Life is full of complexities that we, ourselves, enforce.
36) Define Art.
Art is creation.
37) Do you believe in luck?
Yes.
38) What’s the weather like right now?
Humid.
39) What time is it?
0022H
40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
Yes, no.
41) What was the last book you read?
Pocket Full of Posies by Angela Roquet
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
No.
43) Do you have any nicknames?
Yes, I will not enumerate them here.
44) What was the last movie you saw?
Rurouni Kenshin: The Legend Ends
45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
Sprain
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
No
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
Fairy Tail manga
48) What’s your sexual orientation?
Female, interested in males.
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
Yes.
50) Do you believe in magic?
Not quite.
51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
Yes.
52) What is your astrological sign?
Sagittarius
53) Do you save money or spend it?
Spend.
54) What’s the last thing you purchased?
Grande white chocolate mocha, non-fat espresso
55) Love or lust?
Love
56) In a relationship?
No
57) How many relationships have you had?
Officially romantic relationship? Just 1.
58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No
59) Where were you yesterday?
At work.
60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
My shirt.
61) Are you wearing socks right now?
No.
62) What’s your favorite animal?
Animal that is not a pet — lion.
63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
Be deceptively sweet and caring.
64) Where is your best friend?
In New Jersey.
65) Spit or swallow?(;
Swallow
66) What is your heritage?
Filipino
67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
Waiting for a colleague to finish his work.
68) What do you think is Satan’s last name?
Exists.
69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
Yes.
70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
No.
71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
Walk on.
72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
No. Continue my daily life. Most probably yes.
73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
Trust.
74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Rather Be
75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
3689
76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
Trust and Love
77) How can I win your heart?
Be frustratingly annoying and sweetly caring at the same time. It also helps if you can make me laugh.
78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
Yes.
79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
Let go.
80) What size shoes do you wear?
5 US
81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
Fighter. Or… Went down fighting.
82) What is your favorite word?
Fight
83) Give. me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
Telemetry.
84) What is a saying you say a lot?
Whatever happens, happens.
85) What’s the last song you listened to?
Animals by Maroon 5
86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?
Red and black
87) What is your current desktop picture?
Windows vista
88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
Difficult question. Probably no one.
89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
Do you love me?
90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Run.
91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
Flight.
92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
Laiya, Batangas. Summer 2013. Frisbee game.
93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
Dating this guy from college. Not my ex-boyfriend.
94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
Adam Levine!!!
95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Rome.
96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
No.
97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
Yes. As a kid.
98) Ever been on a plane?
Yes.
99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
Good night!